Why I’m so Fierce

by Judy Lamppu

Written November 27, 2011

JUDYISM: We choreograph our own dance
to the music of the stars

Yesterday I found myself explaining myself as best I could to my husband.

Like an iron butterfly, I imagine myself wearing a steel cocoon, the butterfly eternally about to emerge, unsure if it will retain its mettle or if there will ever be a time when it will soften or melt, becoming more pliable.

Music has always been a pain-relieving outlet for me, as I am certain it is for many in this industry.

It’s a way to express joy or sorrow, anger or pathos – whatever mood, sentiment or message we feel the need to express. 

I enjoy writing about love without using the word.  I find it more challenging and satisfying to fine unique words and ways of saying what could be trite, feeling certain that nobody would ever use that adjective to describe my works.

 Like many others, I had a difficult childhood.  I found myself at age 9 writing my own lyrics to hits I heard on the radio.  It turned out to be very  good training.

I excelled in school, much to the chagrin of our “housemother,” who did not care much for me at all.  I learned to fight – figuratively, mentally and literally – and to be imaginative and creative. 

I learned to stand on my own, to stand up for myself, and subsequently to stand up for others who seemed to need my intervention. 

 I learned to push back against disrespect – for me as a child, then as a woman, an employee, a lover and a friend. 

 I found I needed to make my opinions and thoughts matter.

Perhaps all this means I suffer fools poorly, I have a low tolerance for ignorance, pettiness, selfishness and cruelty, and I won’t waste my valuable time trying to teach and share what expertise I have with anyone who isn’t willing to make an effort on their own behalf. 

But I will do my best to make time to share and help anyone who shows me that they are worth the trouble and are willing to work and subsequently to give as much as they get.

I may be fierce and difficult for some people to know, but to my friends and to those who can handle having me in their lives, I’m also fiercely loyal. 

After the difficult but rewarding year I’ve had, working to get my beloved husband healed, if I have a New Year’s resolution, it’s to try to make time also for myself and to finish my multitude of projects, both musical and otherwise.  I think that’s good advice for anyone.

Happy Holiday!

JJ

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